Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

As I'm writing this, I'm sitting on my couch. My leg muscles actually ache because I'm clenching them so tight. I decided to do this blog post in hopes that it would distract me. And it didn't involve moving. 





There's a mouse in my house.

So I know we all have irrational fears. It's a thing. 

But oh my God a mouse. 

I'm alone, the roomie's out. I called the parents and was advised to put out mousetraps. 

I don't ever, ever, ever anticipate seeing a mouse, so why would I have mousetraps?!?!?!?!?! Sorry, that's the terror talking. 

A short time ago (okay, fine, I haven't moved an inch in half an hour), I saw it. Out of the corner of my eye. Running. Across. My. Floor. From the living room. Into the kitchen.

Where did it come from? Where did it go? (PEOPLE - this is no time for "Cotton Eyed Joe" jokes!) 

It went somewhere. Perhaps under the fridge. Doesn't it know there's no food in there? If it wants sprite or Chobani, fine, otherwise it's going to be mad. Then who knows what will happen. Gah! 

I am 27 years old but I've called my mommy twice already. Apparently one cannot provide a mousetrap over the phone. I now know this. 

I haven't eaten dinner. I'm hungry. I really have to pee. But guess what - there's no way in all of Hades that I'm moving off of this futon of safety. 

Sigh.... 

This is NOT a drill, people! Assume the crouch position! 

All My Friends Are Getting Married and I Love It (And Them!)

I’ve spent about $2000 in the last three years on weddings. I’ve been a bridesmaid three times, and there’s a fourth coming up in December. I’m not even a bridesmaid in that one — they just want me to run the show.

My engaged friends really dig my organizational skills. They like how I make schedules, they love how I ask questions, boss people around, and generally get shit done so they don’t have to worry about it. Where’s your phone? Erin’s had it since 8 o’clock this morning so you could have a champagne breakfast, not deal with your almost in-laws. The florist is supposed to be here at 2:00? I’m on the phone at 2:02 and expect updates every 90 seconds until she’s on the floor. Where’s the man party? Room 228 — you hold her train, you carry these flowers, I’ll get the boys. I liaise. I delegate.

I have a finger in every part of the wedding day pie and it is really sexy. You know why?

I’m smiling. I love weddings.I love being in the thick of making the day go well. It is the most important thing to me, the most joyous part of the occasion. The timing of the day is intimate in itself, and I make things run smoothly. It’s what I am best at, and that my friends see it, appreciate it, and rely on it makes me feel loved and appreciated.

Of course, being the coordinating bridesmaid means I miss out on a lot of the “Ooh!” moments. I’m missing from most of the reception pictures. I did not lace up my dear friend’s wedding dress, nor help another with her petticoat, or buckle the other one’s shoes. But the moments I do get are really precious: being the first one up and ready to dress meant I painted my best friend’s toenails while the stylist started her hair. I found a quick fix for a too-dark eye. I made a bouquet and boutonniere for a courthouse ceremony.

I’m not asked to be a bridesmaid because I’m the fun one, the pretty one, or the friend since childhood. I am both fun and pretty, but I’m also introverted and can be quite-to-the-point. It makes socialization a little difficult, and I’ve been told (by people who don’t know me very well) that I lack tact. I’m working on it.

Ideally, if I ever left publishing, I’d like to do this for a living — a day-of event coordinator extraordinaire. But how does one become a professional bridesmaid? Is that a thing?

I’d like to make it a thing.

Terrifying Halloween Costumes

Halloween is next week and I am not at all prepared for it.  In general the months seem to slip away without me noticing until I go into CVS and see the upcoming holiday's paraphernalia staring me in the face.  I'm always that person exclaiming over how I can't believe it is already (insert month and holiday here).  And of course I have been shocked all week because I can't believe next week is Halloween!  And that means Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner and I do not feel ready for any of it!

Luckily CVS and every other store starts putting up Christmas stuff so early (as in they already have Christmas everything on sale now, in October) that by the time I get to December 25th I am as ready as I am ever going to be for my favorite holiday.  But even though the stores warned me and I have pulled out my many scarves and my beautiful boots, even though I am now wearing jeans more than dresses and have even spotted colorful trees amongst the concrete jungle I live in I am still not ready for Halloween yet.

I guess it comes down to the fact that I'm not really as crazy about Halloween as I am other holidays.  First off Halloween is a holiday devoted to everything ugly and scary and I just prefer pink ribbons and pretty things and not having nightmares when I am trying to sleep.  Secondly it is a holiday that is based on originality, not traditions and so I cannot just sit back and do the same thing I did last year, I must come up with something new and especially exciting to do every year.  And finally dressing up for Halloween is expensive.  No matter how hard I try to thrift shop and pull from my own wardrobe a clever costume I always wind up spending more money than I would like on accessories and the like for something that I only wear once.  I guess I would just rather spend that money on a cute dress that I will love and can wear over and over again for years to come.

My boyfriend and I finally decided on a Halloween party we wanted to go to that is happening this coming weekend and I thought it might be fun to go costume shopping together.  I thought it would be a nice, chill activity for us to do together, that was until I walked into the Halloween store.  Speaking of the Halloween store, what an interesting business!  Once a year these stores pop up everywhere and they charge a ridiculous amount of money for plastic dresses and props and then as soon as November rolls around they disappear until next year.  Anyway, we walked into the store and I was hoping to be inspired, to see something really cool that I would want to wear or at least see something that I could recreate at home or that I might like to imitate.  Instead of being inspired I got really depressed.  As far as I could tell I could be pretty much anything I wanted as long as it was extremely sexy and the costume was super revealing.

 Women can have any career they want as long as they dress sexy.

And this discovery lead me into super feminist mode where I got very upset and had to rant to my very patient boyfriend about how awful it was that my only choice was to dress up as some guy's fantasy.  I don't mind being sexy or dressing in a provocative way; I have worn my fair share of short skirts and have artfully exposed my cleavage, but I decide when I want to dress like that and to what extent.  I feel a silly amount of pressure about this holiday and dressing up as it is, I don't need additional pressure to dress up as something that is going to make me uncomfortable.  And what was worse was that all of the men's costumes looked pretty cool.  All of the men's costumes were of super heros and warriors and badass bad guys.  And all of their costumes looked appropriate for a cool crisp end of October day.  So for all of my boyfriend's suggestions I offered none and shot done each and everyone of his.

I love being a woman and most of the time I feel really great about being an independent woman who is powerful and totally in control of her life.  But sometimes being a woman sucks.  And sometimes all it takes is a Halloween store to remind me of how unequal life still is just because I am a woman.  So we left the store empty handed and while we are still planning on going to that Halloween party this weekend we still don't have any ideas for an uncomplicated, inexpensive, non exploitative costume that you can still dance in.

Suggestions are welcome!

A day at the zoo!

New York City or "The city" as I like to call it is a strange and fascinating place.  Growing up on Long Island not too far away, The city became a familiar place to visit and after  four years of college, living upstate, in the middle of nowhere, I was desperate to move to this beautiful, exciting, shiny place.  I have now been living in Queens as close to Manhattan as you can get for over a year and I now have a different perspective on living in this great city.

I dreamed about living here for so long and thought that this would be the perfect place for me what with the endless distractions and countless people to meet, but I never realized how isolating this city can be and how lonely it can make you feel.  8 million people live here and tons of tourists visit everyday; you can find any activity you can imagine and some of the best food and drinks in the world.  But of those 8 million people only a handful are my friends and of all those things to do 99% of them require a 30 minute plus subway ride and a significant amount of money.  I often find myself at a loss for things to do when work is slow.  Who do I call?  Where do I go?  How much money do I spend on meaningless distractions?  Usually I just curl up on my couch and watch 80 episodes of Say Yes to the Dress and wind up cooking and baking until it is time to go to bed, but often I long for fresh air and a small town to explore where no one will bother me while I sit for hours sipping a cup of cappuccino and reading or writing.

Today is the most gorgeous kind of fall day - it is overcast and has been drizzling from time to time, but in my jeans and light coat I am neither cold nor hot and I am relatively without work to do.  Since the weather shifted into fall I have been having a particular ache for fresh air and today I finally decided to do something about it.  So here I am hanging out with a peacock and the flamingos, eating lunch and writing this blog!

My lunch buddy!

Of all the things I dish out money for my favorite and most well spent yearly expense is my zoo membership.  I have an individual premium membership, which allows me and a guest to get into any of New York City's 4 zoos and the aquarium.  I highly recommend this deal as it supports a good cause and I have certainly gone enough times for it to be worth the money.  I think I go to the zoo (one of them) about once a month both on my own and with my boyfriend (who never complains!)  I absolutely love zoos, especially the New York ones!  I just love getting in some fresh air while the animals simply captivate me.  I could never get bored of going to the zoo.  Every time I go I see something new and something incredible.  And I always have my favorites that I must see as if I were visiting an old friend.

Today I took an hour trip all the way up to the Bronx Zoo by myself while everyone else is still at work or in school.  Going back to the strangeness of big city life is the intimidating, yet satisfying ritual of doing an activity completely by yourself.  Again, you would think that I could find someone to go to the zoo with (especially since I can get them in for free!)  But of the limited people that I would want to go with all of them tend to be terribly busy and therefore unavailable when I finally find the time myself.  So it is up to me to rally my motivation, which can be limited too, and get my butt on the subway.  It is all on me to entertain myself for the hour trip there and back and when I get tired or frustrated or bored I have no one to complain to, except the polar bear.  But as hard as it can be to take that first step out the door, it can be so refreshing to know, in an extrapolating kind of way, that I can take care of myself and am truly independent.  My reward for my efforts are the 3, now grown tiger cubs napping together and my pal and all time favorite polar bear playing with an ice-berg like toy and even the rarely spotted grizzly bear swimming in it's pond.  Already I am feeling revitalized, refreshed, and happy that I came and I still have so many more animals to see.

He's playing!!!!!!!!!

I just find such peace from the smells, sights, and sounds of these lovely creatures, living their lives, playing and enjoying themselves and their friends.  I love New York City dearly, but it is nice to come here and feel like I am surrounded by friends.  I know that here everything I need is within walking distance and that walking around my lungs will be filled with fresh air instead of the rank smells of the subway.  The zoos, and especially the Bronx Zoo today, are my little escape, my little paradise.  After today's trip I will have a little more patience for the noise of the subways and the stench of the streets or maybe I will even have a bit more willingness to line up my schedule with a good friend of mine's.  But even if tomorrow I return to my pajama and tv watching ways, at least instead of a day of stress and pressure I had a day or smiles and peace.

Time to go find the baby sea lion!

Baby got bigger since the last time I saw her :)

When I was little I thought I'd marry a man named Eric...

… yes of course that comes from my obsession with the “Little Mermaid.” I'm sure that it subconsciously factored into my years of red hair too. But alas, so far no Eric.

Without dragging up the gory details, because, frankly, I'm done with them, my life changed last week. 

We broke up. I broke down. I cried. But I'm not crying now. I feel good. 

The people in my life who care about me, like, actually care about me, told me I was better off. I believe them. I agree with them. I wasn't treated well. I deserve better. I'll find better.

But until that happens, I've decided to focus on me. I've signed up for a class that I want to take. I'm buying the food I want to buy. I'm watching the TV I want to watch. By the way, check out “Orange is the New Black.” You won't regret it.

I'm also thinking a lot about my future. What I want from a partner. When I find someone to share my life, I've got criteria. I need to be respected, loved, liked because of the things I like. The Muppets, nerdy movies, books, wearing my hair in a comfortable topnot and the mint green bunny sweater I bought because it made me happy. And it's adorable. Duh.

Through any life change, good or bad, I turn to music. The stages of adaptation are met with certain songs that help us move along, deal with issues, get over a bad day, celebrate a good day, hell, do the dishes. So here is the journey my mind took this last week.

Also, if anyone knows of an Eric, help a sister out...

"Breakin' Up" by Rilo Kiley

"Smarter" by Eisley

"Goodbye, Goodbye" by Tegan and Sara 

"99 Problems" by Jay-Z. Of course. 

And now: 

 

"Moving Right Along" by my beloved Muppets

Sometimes, The Lateral Move: An Update of Sorts

After being rejected (see Shot Though the Heart) from a job within my immediate company, I went hunting for one within my parent company. And outside my parent company, as long as it wasn’t based in New York City, or anywhere in its surrounding area.

I found two: one at a university press, and the other at my parent company. The parent company position was extremely similar to the role I had been rejected from, so you can imagine my excitement!

The parent company makes attempting a transfer extremely casual. Before you send a resume, before you speak with your own HR department, before anything else happens, you schedule an informal information chat with the hiring manager.

The “informal chat” is secretly a phone interview, by the way. Thanks, mentor, for pointing that out to me so I went in completely prepared! I had a great, if nerve-wracking, conversation with the hiring manager, who referred me to her number 2, and I had a blast chatting with her as well. I didn't repeat any answers from three years ago - that was a big success. All went well, and hope floated in me, refusing to settle down. I had butterflies for a week.

Well, the she called me back today and said, with regret, that they wouldn’t be continuing to the formal interview process because I hadn’t had enough experience. They really liked me, and thought I would be a great fit, but I just wasn't experienced enough. Just like my learning tour manager said. Am I disappointed? Absolutely. This stinks. Like many other humans, I'm extremely impatient. I don't like working and waiting to get things, I just want them. Now. Please.

But I’m also elated because she’s referring me to two other departments for similar openings at a lower experience level. I feel justified, and vindicated, as if there is actually more to me than just data points and rote reporting. I am a human, and I am good at more than just statistics and filling in Excel sheets.

I haven’t heard from the university press beyond that they’re interested in speaking with me, but already have a list of finalists. If they don’t end up interviewing me, they’ve promised a more extensive reply, and possibly a short advisory session where they’ll tell me all the things I need to do for next time. This job isn’t a reach for me, it’s a remarkable combination of my current position, and the work I did on my learning tour.

I guess today was not a win in the short term, but the war is still raging. I’m not seeing a reason to be discouraged. My mentor (thank god I have a mentor, she really is the cat’s pajamas) thinks it’s all going in the right direction, and I’ll come out on top. This might be my late-twenties patience test; I've had one every five or so years for as long as I can remember.

So, chin up, I guess. Keep crossing your fingers for me, and hopefully early next year will find me in the Sound-swept arms of Seattle.

Starting Over: Switching Career Paths at 27

My husband and I got married in April and thought it would be a great idea to move all the way across the country two weeks later. We drove from Massachusetts to Florida in almost exactly twenty four hours (it was twenty four and a half) and we set our roots down in Fort Lauderdale. We love it here. I haven't worn anything but flip flops since May, and it doesn't look like they are leaving my closet anytime soon. Back home I was a Software Analyst/Consultant. The job description is as glamorous as it sounds. I was the "middle man" between my company and the hospitals we supported. When they had an issue with their software, they would call me to complain and I would have to figure it out. I spent six years doing that right out of college, and it might just be the complete opposite of what I had envisioned myself doing when I grew up.

 

With all this said, I had moved to Florida fully intending on picking up a similar job within a hospital setting. This time I wouldn't be the complainEE, I would be the complainER. As fate would have it, being a Software Analyst was just no longer in the cards for me. I went on a few interviews, got chased by a few recruiters to do traveling work (just married, not interested), and I probably sent in over 50 applications with my resume attached. After three months of some solid job searching, soul searching, and day dreaming, I realized NOW is the time to switch to my dream career. And what might my dream job entail you ask? Well...

Dog grooming! But in a broader sense... DOGS. Dogs are what I want to spend my days around. Why? Because they are so much cooler than humans. They are cuter, they judge less, they have more fun, and they are just so damn happy all of the time. Do you need any other reasons? I have a dog-son, Tiger, who is a Pit Bull/Boxer mix (we think?) who we rescued almost two years ago. He is my inspiration for switching career gears. I have loved dogs my whole life, but until I had him I never fully thought about working with them as a source of income. And now it makes SO MUCH SENSE.

I did some research and found a school ten minutes from my house that offers a certification program to become a Professional Dog Groomer. After even more research, I found that you don't get licensed to be one, and that most people actually never get certified and just open up a shop, sometimes with little to no experience... which is frightening. (Do your research before bringing your pooch anywhere!) 300 hours is required by the National Groomer's Association, and I found that is pretty much the standard across the entire country. I took a tour at the school, which is also a full-time grooming salon, daycare, and boarding facility as well. The instructor was so friendly and personable, and as soon as I walked in I had puppies jumping all over my legs. Um, HI HEAVEN. Nice to meet you.

I decided since I was unemployed and could afford to do so, I would just do my 300 hours full time. I go Tuesday-Friday from 8:30 to 3:30, with an occasional Saturday thrown in. I am about 175 hours into my certification so far. And... I love it. My instructor is also a certified Vet Assistant and was a trainer for many years prior. With all of her knowledge, I am really learning a lot about not only how to properly groom a dog, but also about their temperaments, anatomy, history, and training.

I've also made some new friends:

 Spike... We got intimate in the bath a few times.

 Daisy... She's my BFF when she comes in

Lani... Our daycare "mascot"

The Golden Girls... Mimi and Laicee

Louie... Seriously with those eyes?! STOP IT.

I gotta say, at first it was nerve wracking. They give you all of the tools, which were included in the tuition, and I had never used 95% of them. The first time I picked up a clipper, it might as well be the first time I used chop sticks. Just completely foreign to me. I learned quickly though, and although I am only a little over halfway through, I am doing full head-to-tail grooms. Typically, students don't get to work on the heads until later in their hours, but I am just that good. What can I say... toot, toot.

This is Biloxi... A Standard Schnauzer that I received an A+ on!

I have a little over a month left of classes, and then I can look for a job doing something that I care about. Do you know how amazing it is to say something like that? Some people never get to say something like that, and for that I am so grateful. Some people spend their whole lives paycheck to paycheck, doing a job they despise, for all sorts of circumstances. I am so fortunate to have the universe show me a lesson by denying me a position that I hated, and making me shift my views on what I deemed "work". The universe has it's own way of balancing you out sometimes, I truly believe that. And I would never had made the switch without the support and push from my amazing husband. He really told me to go for it. And honestly, I don't know if I really would have if he had not been behind me on this 100%. I'm forever grateful to him for that, and of course many other reasons.

Some days I sit here an think I could be sitting at a desk somewhere, counting down my hours, and fielding phone calls and meetings. But no... Tomorrow I'll get to school and be greeted by a bunch of wagging tails and wet noses all ready to get pampered and pretty. I really love where I am at right now. And to get all mushy on you right now...