Terrifying Halloween Costumes

Halloween is next week and I am not at all prepared for it.  In general the months seem to slip away without me noticing until I go into CVS and see the upcoming holiday's paraphernalia staring me in the face.  I'm always that person exclaiming over how I can't believe it is already (insert month and holiday here).  And of course I have been shocked all week because I can't believe next week is Halloween!  And that means Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner and I do not feel ready for any of it!

Luckily CVS and every other store starts putting up Christmas stuff so early (as in they already have Christmas everything on sale now, in October) that by the time I get to December 25th I am as ready as I am ever going to be for my favorite holiday.  But even though the stores warned me and I have pulled out my many scarves and my beautiful boots, even though I am now wearing jeans more than dresses and have even spotted colorful trees amongst the concrete jungle I live in I am still not ready for Halloween yet.

I guess it comes down to the fact that I'm not really as crazy about Halloween as I am other holidays.  First off Halloween is a holiday devoted to everything ugly and scary and I just prefer pink ribbons and pretty things and not having nightmares when I am trying to sleep.  Secondly it is a holiday that is based on originality, not traditions and so I cannot just sit back and do the same thing I did last year, I must come up with something new and especially exciting to do every year.  And finally dressing up for Halloween is expensive.  No matter how hard I try to thrift shop and pull from my own wardrobe a clever costume I always wind up spending more money than I would like on accessories and the like for something that I only wear once.  I guess I would just rather spend that money on a cute dress that I will love and can wear over and over again for years to come.

My boyfriend and I finally decided on a Halloween party we wanted to go to that is happening this coming weekend and I thought it might be fun to go costume shopping together.  I thought it would be a nice, chill activity for us to do together, that was until I walked into the Halloween store.  Speaking of the Halloween store, what an interesting business!  Once a year these stores pop up everywhere and they charge a ridiculous amount of money for plastic dresses and props and then as soon as November rolls around they disappear until next year.  Anyway, we walked into the store and I was hoping to be inspired, to see something really cool that I would want to wear or at least see something that I could recreate at home or that I might like to imitate.  Instead of being inspired I got really depressed.  As far as I could tell I could be pretty much anything I wanted as long as it was extremely sexy and the costume was super revealing.

 Women can have any career they want as long as they dress sexy.

And this discovery lead me into super feminist mode where I got very upset and had to rant to my very patient boyfriend about how awful it was that my only choice was to dress up as some guy's fantasy.  I don't mind being sexy or dressing in a provocative way; I have worn my fair share of short skirts and have artfully exposed my cleavage, but I decide when I want to dress like that and to what extent.  I feel a silly amount of pressure about this holiday and dressing up as it is, I don't need additional pressure to dress up as something that is going to make me uncomfortable.  And what was worse was that all of the men's costumes looked pretty cool.  All of the men's costumes were of super heros and warriors and badass bad guys.  And all of their costumes looked appropriate for a cool crisp end of October day.  So for all of my boyfriend's suggestions I offered none and shot done each and everyone of his.

I love being a woman and most of the time I feel really great about being an independent woman who is powerful and totally in control of her life.  But sometimes being a woman sucks.  And sometimes all it takes is a Halloween store to remind me of how unequal life still is just because I am a woman.  So we left the store empty handed and while we are still planning on going to that Halloween party this weekend we still don't have any ideas for an uncomplicated, inexpensive, non exploitative costume that you can still dance in.

Suggestions are welcome!

A day at the zoo!

New York City or "The city" as I like to call it is a strange and fascinating place.  Growing up on Long Island not too far away, The city became a familiar place to visit and after  four years of college, living upstate, in the middle of nowhere, I was desperate to move to this beautiful, exciting, shiny place.  I have now been living in Queens as close to Manhattan as you can get for over a year and I now have a different perspective on living in this great city.

I dreamed about living here for so long and thought that this would be the perfect place for me what with the endless distractions and countless people to meet, but I never realized how isolating this city can be and how lonely it can make you feel.  8 million people live here and tons of tourists visit everyday; you can find any activity you can imagine and some of the best food and drinks in the world.  But of those 8 million people only a handful are my friends and of all those things to do 99% of them require a 30 minute plus subway ride and a significant amount of money.  I often find myself at a loss for things to do when work is slow.  Who do I call?  Where do I go?  How much money do I spend on meaningless distractions?  Usually I just curl up on my couch and watch 80 episodes of Say Yes to the Dress and wind up cooking and baking until it is time to go to bed, but often I long for fresh air and a small town to explore where no one will bother me while I sit for hours sipping a cup of cappuccino and reading or writing.

Today is the most gorgeous kind of fall day - it is overcast and has been drizzling from time to time, but in my jeans and light coat I am neither cold nor hot and I am relatively without work to do.  Since the weather shifted into fall I have been having a particular ache for fresh air and today I finally decided to do something about it.  So here I am hanging out with a peacock and the flamingos, eating lunch and writing this blog!

My lunch buddy!

Of all the things I dish out money for my favorite and most well spent yearly expense is my zoo membership.  I have an individual premium membership, which allows me and a guest to get into any of New York City's 4 zoos and the aquarium.  I highly recommend this deal as it supports a good cause and I have certainly gone enough times for it to be worth the money.  I think I go to the zoo (one of them) about once a month both on my own and with my boyfriend (who never complains!)  I absolutely love zoos, especially the New York ones!  I just love getting in some fresh air while the animals simply captivate me.  I could never get bored of going to the zoo.  Every time I go I see something new and something incredible.  And I always have my favorites that I must see as if I were visiting an old friend.

Today I took an hour trip all the way up to the Bronx Zoo by myself while everyone else is still at work or in school.  Going back to the strangeness of big city life is the intimidating, yet satisfying ritual of doing an activity completely by yourself.  Again, you would think that I could find someone to go to the zoo with (especially since I can get them in for free!)  But of the limited people that I would want to go with all of them tend to be terribly busy and therefore unavailable when I finally find the time myself.  So it is up to me to rally my motivation, which can be limited too, and get my butt on the subway.  It is all on me to entertain myself for the hour trip there and back and when I get tired or frustrated or bored I have no one to complain to, except the polar bear.  But as hard as it can be to take that first step out the door, it can be so refreshing to know, in an extrapolating kind of way, that I can take care of myself and am truly independent.  My reward for my efforts are the 3, now grown tiger cubs napping together and my pal and all time favorite polar bear playing with an ice-berg like toy and even the rarely spotted grizzly bear swimming in it's pond.  Already I am feeling revitalized, refreshed, and happy that I came and I still have so many more animals to see.

He's playing!!!!!!!!!

I just find such peace from the smells, sights, and sounds of these lovely creatures, living their lives, playing and enjoying themselves and their friends.  I love New York City dearly, but it is nice to come here and feel like I am surrounded by friends.  I know that here everything I need is within walking distance and that walking around my lungs will be filled with fresh air instead of the rank smells of the subway.  The zoos, and especially the Bronx Zoo today, are my little escape, my little paradise.  After today's trip I will have a little more patience for the noise of the subways and the stench of the streets or maybe I will even have a bit more willingness to line up my schedule with a good friend of mine's.  But even if tomorrow I return to my pajama and tv watching ways, at least instead of a day of stress and pressure I had a day or smiles and peace.

Time to go find the baby sea lion!

Baby got bigger since the last time I saw her :)

When I was little I thought I'd marry a man named Eric...

… yes of course that comes from my obsession with the “Little Mermaid.” I'm sure that it subconsciously factored into my years of red hair too. But alas, so far no Eric.

Without dragging up the gory details, because, frankly, I'm done with them, my life changed last week. 

We broke up. I broke down. I cried. But I'm not crying now. I feel good. 

The people in my life who care about me, like, actually care about me, told me I was better off. I believe them. I agree with them. I wasn't treated well. I deserve better. I'll find better.

But until that happens, I've decided to focus on me. I've signed up for a class that I want to take. I'm buying the food I want to buy. I'm watching the TV I want to watch. By the way, check out “Orange is the New Black.” You won't regret it.

I'm also thinking a lot about my future. What I want from a partner. When I find someone to share my life, I've got criteria. I need to be respected, loved, liked because of the things I like. The Muppets, nerdy movies, books, wearing my hair in a comfortable topnot and the mint green bunny sweater I bought because it made me happy. And it's adorable. Duh.

Through any life change, good or bad, I turn to music. The stages of adaptation are met with certain songs that help us move along, deal with issues, get over a bad day, celebrate a good day, hell, do the dishes. So here is the journey my mind took this last week.

Also, if anyone knows of an Eric, help a sister out...

"Breakin' Up" by Rilo Kiley

"Smarter" by Eisley

"Goodbye, Goodbye" by Tegan and Sara 

"99 Problems" by Jay-Z. Of course. 

And now: 

 

"Moving Right Along" by my beloved Muppets