The Breeder vs Shelter Debate

To begin, I will always advocate getting a shelter dog, always. You will literally save a life by doing so. However, I know not all people are comfortable with the shelter decision, so I wanted to touch upon all of the options out there, when someone is considering adding a family member to the pack. This is for anyone who may not be educated on how some of these options work.

The biggest questions to begin with is, are you ready to have the dog anywhere from 8-16 years? They live a long time, and would like to spend all of that time with you. Do not drop them at the shelter when they turn gray because you just can't stand to see them deteriorate in their old age. It's not fair, and is heartbreakingly confusing to them. Do you have time to walk them several times a day? They are living animals. They need their exercise and stimulants just like you and I do. Plus, they live to spend time with you. You have your whole life, friends, work to occupy you. Your dog only has you. Be their friend. Are you financially stable enough to get them their yearly shots and checkups at the vet? Or buy their dog food every month? Every little thing adds up, and I think a lot of first time dog owners don't fully understand the cost of keeping your dog in the best health they can be in. If even one of these things doesn't work for you, then now is not the time to be looking for a dog.

If you are ready to get a dog after all of the considerations, then it is now time to figure out where to get them from. First, don't ever buy from pet stores. This only fuels their revenue, and keeps puppy mills in business. The puppy mills will continue to pump out puppies in poor health due to the torture of the poor parents that are tightly caged to breed them. The same can go for irresponsible, smaller breeders. Don't keep those kinds in business. It's a tough enough task to find loving homes for all of these "unwanted," unhealthy dogs as it is. We don't need them churning out any more. And when you purchase from them directly, you just fuel their business and continue the torture for those poor dogs that are stuck in that system.

The unfortunate reality of most puppy mills.

Now, I don't disagree with breeding entirely, but there is a huge difference between a puppy mill and a responsible breeder. And I understand that there actually are responsible, smart breeders out there, and I commend them for raising litters the right way. After all, we can't stop breeding dogs entirely. Without responsible breeders, there would be no more dogs. However, even if they are raised the right way, it does not guarantee that the new owners will do the same. There is a common misconception that any shelter dog has issues. It obviously is unwanted by the previous owner because it has a defect, or is aggressive, or it just "doesn't want to listen," right? I mean, why else would a perfectly healthy dog be in the shelter then? (Heavy sarcasm.) Well, in most cases, the cute puppy the couple bought for their kid got too big, and they don't want to deal with it anymore. Or, they are moving and their new residence doesn't allow dogs, or dogs of a certain weight, or dogs of a certain breed. Or, a couple bought the dog together, and now they broke up and neither wants to keep it on their own. Or, they have a baby and assume that the dog won't be safe around them. NONE of these reasons are due to any defect or attitude of the dog itself. The dog was just unwanted by a family they loved. And this goes for all types... Purebreds and mutts alike. It's amazing how many purebreds are found within rescues and shelters. It's an unfortunate misconception that only mutts are in shelters. (Although mutts are my favorite kind!)

**Here is a link to the AKC website for a list of RESPONSIBLE breeders**

https://www.akc.org/press_center/facts_stats.cfm?page=responsible_breeder

So the next time you think of purchasing from a breeder, do your homework. Are they responsible? Do they have any complaints? When you go see the puppies, do the conditions look healthy and safe? Really do your research.

But even before all of that... Please consider a shelter dog. Breeders will always find homes for their puppies, that I assure you. If you don't take them, someone else will, trust me. Not to mention, they are already in a home, and do not face the risk of being euthanized at any moment.

**Pet Finder is a wonderfully easy website to find dogs in your area by breed, sex, age, etc**

http://www.petfinder.com/

And if you just don't think you want to "risk it" with a shelter dog, consider going to a rescue at the very least, where the dog has been in a foster home and they can report more accurately on the dog's behavior and condition, if that is what worries you. When you pull a dog from a rescue, it frees up a spot for another dog in the shelter, to go to a loving, foster family environment until they find their forever home.

OH MY GOODNESS how can you say no to this face?!

But all of that aside... We rescued our Tiger boy from a shelter. He was picked up as a stray and went unnoticed in the shelter for THREE MONTHS before we came across him. We met him once, and he actually didn't want anything to do with us. (Don't expect an instant connection at the first meeting. Pay attention to volunteer notes from the shelter. The dog may just be shy, since this is their first time meeting you.) Fast forward two years later and he is currently curled up by my feet as I type this. He is always at my heel, so much so that I joke that we should've named him Shadow. The vet compliments him every time we go in, because he is in picture perfect health. He is the best, most mellow dog I have ever owned.

This is the actual photo of Tiger we saw on Pet Finder that made us go meet him!

I understand that Tiger's story may not be the same for every shelter dog out there. But I can tell you with certain confidence that a shelter dog will always, always love you. And isn't that the point of getting a dog anyways? To love something, and to be loved, unconditionally? I really believe a shelter dog knows they got a second chance... And they will love you until their last breath if you let them.

If there is any point to my crazy dog lady rambling, it's that I hope you make a smart choice when you purchase your new family member... whichever avenue you choose to go. And I would hope that you wouldn't turn your nose up to any of these options, as I truly hope that most of us are in for the common goal... To give a dog a loving home.

And if you are a huge softie, like I plan to be someday, open your home to those dogs who are less fortunate. An old face doesn't mean an old heart. No sight doesn't mean they can't see right through to your soul. Less legs doesn't mean that they won't run to you with all of their might when you come home. And no hearing doesn't mean they don't listen to what you say. These dogs need homes and love just as much, if you are willing to give it.

This is Emma, from "Everything Emma" on Facebook. She is unable to use her back legs, but have you seen her viral video on youtube when she dragged herself so excitedly across the hallway to see her daddy who just got home from Afghanistan?! Grab some tissues.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2317357/The-heartwarming-moment-disabled-dog-finds-special-burst-energy-drag-greet-Air-Force-owner-returning-Afghanistan.html

All in all, love can come in all forms from all different places. Please consider saving a life before you decide to go to a breeder. And if you still decide to go to a breeder, just please be smart about it.

Wanted: A Wife

Em and I parted ways this evening. We hadn’t been together very long, or even seeing each other in any kind of “this is my girlfriend” capacity, but I did like her enough that I told my parents she existed. We had a lovely catch-up dinner (hadn’t seen each other in three weeks - now there’s a tip-off), and parted ways really simply, with kindness and care for each other. Ironically, we were both going the same way on the subway, which did not happen once in the short weeks we were romantically linked.

I said after my last break-up that I needed to be alone for a while, I wanted to experience what that was like. And I do. We also broke up because I have a not-so-sneaking suspicion that the pendulum of my sexuality has swung very deeply into the heart of Ladytown, and it's about damn time I allowed myself to explore that. So I'm doing that, too. It's been a fight - sometimes I feel disingenuous to myself, but I know that if I don't take the time to do it, I'll regret it later.

It struck me as I walked home over the icy sidewalks of my less-than-stellar neighborhood that perhaps the reason I’ve never been alone is my ease of independence. I prefer challenging environments and being partnered, to me, is much more of a challenge. I’m good at selfish and self care; I’m bad at taking a partner’s feelings into account - I either go too far, or not far enough, and it’s a daily crapshoot as to which. I know being single doesn’t always encourage me to grow as a person. It does encourage my creativity, but I often don’t take advantage of that extra time. When I do, I’m holed up and unreachable in a way my friends find frustrating.

I’ve been in search of my other half since college. It’s always at least in the back of my mind. I have been ready to build a life with someone else, and I have had ample opportunities and many not-so-false, but less than stellar, starts. Maybe I’m not ready to get married - I absolutely do not feel like sharing my bedroom with somebody else (maybe that’s because it’s so small?) - but I am ready to know the person I want to walk into the future with.

It doesn’t matter how firm the logic inside of me says that love is something you build with your hands, I believe that when I meet my wife, I will Have Met My Wife. There will be some inescapable magic there. She will be inescapably human, and our bond wholly sacred. I don’t expect it to be easy, I know we’ll fight because being partnered doesn’t come easy to me.

I see glimpses of her in other women, I saw pieces of her in Em.

It takes me a long, long time to open up all the way and love somebody with the intensity a long, loving relationship deserves. The last person to crack me open that far was Grace, and it took me until last year (two years after her wedding to another person!) to realize I had been in love with her the whole time. It still took her a year to pull me apart and set herself in my bones. This is why I don’t like dating - who is going to have the patience for that?

I hate dating. I find it exhausting. I always have. It feels inorganic and forced. I don't really like going out in public all the time, I prefer quiet intimacy. (Plus, nobody ever messages me and I am always pursuant. I loathe pursuit. I am too shy and awkward for that shit - if you want me, come and claim me, or whatever.) I really liked dating my friends in college, and I wish I had more single friends now so I could date them instead. It can be so easy to fall in love someone you already care for. If only I wanted a husband.

I am frightened that I will meet my wife, and she won’t be able to wait. She won’t have the patience I require, she won’t have enough love left to give me. There will be too much sex in the beginning, and not enough heart. I need the heart. Grace was the most organic relationship/friendship I was ever in; we started with poetry camp, spent three months of long lonely winters sending letters across oceans, and grew together through a lot of post-college bullshit. We relied on each other and the only thing we were (and are, frankly) afraid of is life without the other. We never had the pressure of a romantic relationship, because we never said we were in one.

I think about my friend Anna, who walked out on her boyfriend, saying “It’s been a year, you either love me or you don’t.” He spent three weeks drinking scotch and crying in his cups until he showed up on her doorstep and said he loved her. He said he knew he’d made a mistake the second his door closed behind her, it just took him that long to find the courage to ask her home. They’ve been together for almost five years now. Will that be me?

Is it already?